They might have different beliefs and values. It becomes about trying to see things from the other person’s perspective. They wanted to make the project the best it could be before your boss sees it. Maybe they were actually even trying to help you. We walk around feeling hurt when learning to actually listen to othersand asking a few good questions could show us that nobody has actually hurt us at all.įor all you know, perhaps that colleague was actually saying they didn’t like their part of the work, or didn’t feel good about the topic. Our brain constantly makes assumptions that turn any situation into an attack. We trust nobody and we are unconsciously always looking for rejection, or even pain. If we live from the victim mentality, or we have a core belief that the world is a dangerous place? It can be like wearing tinted glasses. If a work colleague tells you, “I don’t feel good about this presentation we’ve done,” did they really hurt you? Or did you assume they were saying, “I don’t feel good about what you did in this presentation”? Or that they were implying it is all your fault? Option #4 – They didn’t actually hurt you. But because they actually thought you liked to help. Or, if you never say no to people, they didn’t ask you to help them move house so that you feel used. They didn’t ask you out not because they wanted to offend you, but because you send out the message you don’t want to be social. If you are not clear about who you are, what you want and don’t want, and what you accept but don’t accept? How can other people know when their words and actions will hurt you? not communicating your thoughts and feelings clearly.If people are not understanding you enough that they do not know what does and doesn’t hurt you, what could that mean? You might need to consider if you are: But it is necessary if we want to stop the endless cycle of being hurt. It’s hard to consider that our belief we are always a victim is not necessarily reality.
If you feel that everybody is out to get you, that every single time you try to be nice people hurt you? This option might be more the truth than the others. Option #3 – They didn’t actually mean to hurt you.
If they are emotional abusers you need to walk away. But if you know the other person really has tried to change, then they might really not want to hurt you. This is NOT to say you should always excuse a partner or friend who is mean and criticising and makes little to no effort to change, all because they had a tough childhood. They experienced trauma as a child that has left them with an impulsive nature, or were parented in a way that gave them negative core beliefs about themselves and the world.
And some people know they do this sort of behaviour, but can’t be bothered to change.īut others want to change but just can’t.
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